You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
