Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
So many bounce houses so little time
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
