ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
