Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
