Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
