I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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