Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
