I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
