Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
