i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
