I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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