break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
