She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
