...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
