he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
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