Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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