look no pants
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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