I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
