I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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