the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
