You really coming over, don't trick.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Randomize
