Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
