he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
zippers are such a cool invention
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
