I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
