you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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