Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
