stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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