The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
