You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
