I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
