hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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