I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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