my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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