I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize
