Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
