Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
