Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
