problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Jerry, you need to find god
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
