dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
