If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
