dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
