i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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