That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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