it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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