I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
