Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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