I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
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