Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
