I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Randomize
