I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
